Limerick

. Spoiled-Rotten Cat Instructs Visitors Don’t you dare try to sit in my spot! I’ll decide if you pet me or not. _I’m the star here you’ll see. _They all cater to me. They just like you; they LOVE me a lot. . . Ninety-Nine Candles Great Grandpa made this...

. May 12 is National Limerick Day in the United States, corresponding to Limerick-writer Edward Lear's birthday. Poet James A. Tweedie invites you to share your limerick or limericks in the comments section below. Here are a few from his book Laughing Matters to get you started. See "How to Write...

. Vernal Equinox Germans call this season “frühling.” Spaniards name it “primavera.” Welshmen say the term is “gwanwyn.” Shetland trawlers go with “voar,” so Let’s resolve this with a rüling: It is “springtime” in this era. Let the Anglophonic man win. Some speak Spanish — English more so. __Till that...

. Chasing COLAs in a Hard World COLA: cost-of-living adjustment We learned, each time we tried to file a claim, _That dealing with the Demiurge Adjustor _Takes all the fortitude that we can muster, And that the ploy of reassigning blame Is not a winning move within this game. _The...

. Four Newsy Limericks . A pedophile, if you should see one, Must not be reported. The reason? __It could be your fate __That you’d be charged with “hate.” A crime worse by far than to be one. . It’s easier dealing with China, Than rebuilding in South Carolina __When...

. Montana High School Reunion The big fella who grew up in Butte, Claimed his high school sweetheart was so cute, __Going back would be grand __A reunion was planned So he went out and bought costly boots. He came thinking about his old lover, But as soon as he...

. Third-Degree Burns A young poet who came from Dundee Looked around him and then took a knee, __For the older he grew __The more surely he knew That accomplishment wasn’t to be. But another lad, whom we’ll call Angus, Who was wont to berate and harangue us, __Said, “They...

. Limerick Perhaps it’s a marketing trick, or else Iceland’s taking the mick; __for what kind of fun __is an Easter Day bun when the cross has been swapped for a tick? . taking the mick: making fun tick: check mark . . Paul A. Freeman is the author of Rumours of Ophir,...

. Coffee Limericks . I love to have coffee each morning, Including the act of the pouring: __I smell the aroma, __Come out of my coma, And wonder why you still are snoring. . I start with a coffee each day— A creamy and sugared latte. __I open my eyes,...

. Mythological Limericks on Defloration . Venus and Adonis Adonis was cute as a berry And Venus was sexy and merry— __The boy said “No dice” __But without thinking twice She jumped him and popped the kid’s cherry. . Hades and Persephone Hades was hot for a missus And longed...

. Limericks for Lame Cowboys A cowboy who came from Seattle, Had a habit of disturbing cattle. __The horse made a jump. __He fell on his rump, And now he can't ride in the saddle. The cowboy was brave and had pluck. The rodeo horse could sure buck. __The cowboy...

. Cantankerous Limericks on Good English Prose I love a complexly wrought sentence With phrases and colons that went thence __To make concise points __With their well-dovetailed joints And gave one no cause for repentance. Your prose should be sharp as a razor And cut through all crap like a...

. Excuse My Excuse An excuse—that’s a word to excuse at those times when I need a good ruse __which I’ll put to good use __while I find some excuse which will not leave folks singing the blues. If the words I misuse are obtuse, as they cruise, they’ll be...

. Pick-up Truck Dude This dude in his old pick-up truck Sped recklessly, riding his luck. __He swerved ‘round the bend, __Lost control in the end, And got his truck stuck in the muck. . . Sleeping Kitten The kitten slept, feeling quite smug, As snug as a bug in...

. The Tortoise and the Hare in limericks A tortoise and hare were a-talkin’. Said Hare: “Why, your slowness is shockin’! __If we ran a race, __You’d be a disgrace. I’d win, even if I were walkin’.” Said Tortoise, “No, hare, I would beat you. As swift as you are,...

. Fourth of July Limerick Top left, there’s an oblong that’s blue; add in fifty stars, white in hue. To offset the stars are parallel bars, six white, seven red, straight and true. . . Paul A. Freeman is the author of Rumours of Ophir, a crime novel which was taught...

. Commodore Perry Opens Japan On July 8, 1853, on the orders of President Millard Fillmore, Commodore Matthew Perry led four American ships into the harbor at Tokyo Bay, seeking to pierce Japan’s isolation from the western world and establish regular trade and discourse for the first time in over...

. Human Poetry Versus ChatGPT's AI Poetry Can you tell the difference between artificial intelligence poetry and human poetry? by Evan Mantyk and Mike Bryant Artificial intelligence, most notably ChatGPT, is gaining a lot of attention for creating works of writing that seem effective and even human-like to a scary...

. In celebration of World Poetry Day, write a limerick on the theme of World Poetry Day, poetry in general, or poets. Post it in the comments section below. Learn how to write a limerick here. An example is provided by this poetry challenge initiator, Paul A. Freeman: . World...

. Vanity Falls I’m feeling a little lightheaded; I’ll confess it’s what I’ve always dreaded: More hairs on the floor Than ever before, My ego and vanity shredded. . . Miera Rao is a writer living in California who has won awards for her creative non-fiction and poetry.   Her...

. Food for Thought A Culinary Tale There once was a man wan and pallid, he Suffered from a mysterious malady: __He ate carrots and greens, __Ripe tomatoes and beans, But eschewed anything that's not salad-y. Now his wife, she was plump, but quite purty, Euphemistically "big-boned" or "sturdy"; __Which...

. Camena Interrupta The measured words of poetryRise round the mystic sphere,Sift through the dirt or sing divineIn strains that soothe or sear. But now the stanzas halt and freeze:Eternity is stilled—The dog looks guilty at the doorThe poet’s muse is chilled. Goodbye “the crescent in the sky,Reaping a horde...

. What Is “Pro-Choice"? If my child were sent to die, Be chopped to pieces like a pig, To spare him death, I’d plead and beg, __His life with mine to buy. Yet pregnant moms demand their “rights” To chop their children in their wombs In hit-men’s bright and sterile...

. Satan’s Limericks on the Seven Deadly Sins Sepulchrum patens est guttur eorum; linguis suis dolose agebant: venenum aspidum sub labiis eorum. Their throat is an open sepulcher; with their tongues they acted deceitfully: the poison of asps is under their lips. —Psalms 13:3 . Pride Be proud and aggressive...

. And so, Minnie Mouse will impress in pantsuit and flat heels, no less. __But what of the vision, __of Mickey's transition in heels and a polka-dot dress? . . Paul A. Freeman is the author of Rumours of Ophir, a crime novel which was taught in Zimbabwean high schools and...

. Limerick China’s footballers haven’t a clue why they can’t go and get a tattoo, but I think it might be it’s since President Xi is afraid they’ll choose Winnie the Pooh. . . This Urge for the Truth We strive for trusted knowledge in the guise of Truth, but...

. Anyone But You The phone may ring; The call will bring __Anyone but you. The mail will come; It will be from __Anyone but you. A text may buzz; I’m sure it was __Anyone but you. Oh, this is dire; I don’t desire __Anyone but you. . . Crunch...

. Twelve Chaucerian Limericks for Paul Freeman Some pilgrims went riding to Kent, And here’s how the journey was spent: As they traipsed through the dale They each told a tale Of sacred or worldly intent. Some of the stories were clean, And others absurd or obscene. Whether gentle or...

. We went to a gender reveal. And we had an exceptional meal. __But the host was forlorn __when she unhusked her corn. It was pink instead of blue-teal. Her emotions were on full display. They should have been tucked far away, __entrenched in her chest __or deep in her...

. Alfred the Great Alfred the Great was a shy king Who found it not much to his liking __Making do with cornflakes __‘Cos he’d burned all the cakes While hiding his face from the Viking. __ Sweyn Forkbeard It is said that Sweyn Forkbeard Would frequently walk weird. __His...

. Choose a famous poem and write it in limerick form, putting the title of the original poem at the top. Please fit your chosen poem into one limerick (five lines) only. See "How to Write a Limerick." Post your limerick in the comments section below. See examples: . Nothing...

. Ferdinand the Freestyler Angela Jackson is the Poet Laureate of Illinois and Jacqueline Jackson is a poet frequently published by Illinois Times. As I sit here chillin' and relaxin',There's some questions I need to be askin':Is the world upside down? Do I smile when I frown?Are those "poems"  by Angela Jackson?...

. It was only a two stone cat, Now what do you think about that? If it sat on your lap, Both your femurs would snap. It was twenty-eight pounds of pure fat. Its owners would feed it on fish, Which they placed every day in its dish. Where it...

. Limerick I have lived my whole life about me And at last I can finally see That my choice only smothers, Life is all about others And the truth really does set you free. . . Senryu I was born to dance. Alas, I sat on my ass When given...

. There once was a very big lie, That our country refused to deny. While we did what they told us, To the Commies they sold us And we kissed all our freedoms goodbye. . . Joe Tessitore is a retired New York City resident and poet.

  Nothing Ventured an office romance "What more do you want?" he inquired without guile. ---Can it really be true that my feelings don't show?--- She marveled within, and, suppressing a smile, Inventoried the things he appeared not to know: I want more than greetings on alternate Mondays And occasional...

A Riot Limerick by Joe Tessitore The Most Evil has cast the first brick And his antics make decent folk sick. Though he rant and he rail His best efforts all fail--- He’s in fact the Most Impotent Prick.   To the Hong Kong Police by Damian Robin Outstanding. Where...

  The Back-to-Work Protesters Limerick by Mark F. Stone Our minders with power and pensions can rob our hopes, while the Fourth Estate calls us a "mob." They would be less scornful and also more mournful, if they were the ones who were out of a job.     Snitch...

  Time Is the Measure of Every Pleasure a coronavirus limerick by Mark F. Stone The State took a stand that we practice techniques to maintain our distance and clean till it squeaks. But can such a stance bring a halt to romance? Perchance we'll know more in about forty...

  The Last Words from Her Phone The CCP (Chinese Communist Party) has done everything within their power to expunge Dr. Ai Fen's interview off the Internet, and now she herself is gone, the last message on her phone in Chinese: "a river, a bridge, a clock chime." Also disappeared...