Humor

. Elemental, My Dear Slight air and purging fire, the first my thought, the other my desire. ---Shakespeare, "Sonnet 45" I am of air and fire wrought, though I am drawn to water like a dowsing rod. Carousing through thought’s realm, I am a fly, zigzagging near and far to...

. The Biden Oil Refrain As President, on his first day, He closed old Keystone down, Then shut off Arctic drilling, Forty-thousand jobs left town. He cancelled key oil leases, Barred new highly needed ones, And then was shocked gas prices saw Inflationary runs. “C’mon man” he begged OPEC, “Please...

. On Mark Twain's Birthday He piloted a Mississippi steamboat, Then panned for gold and sailed around the world. He authored tales of rogues and slavery’s stain But now is damned for all the things he wrote. Because the charge of “racist” has been hurled, The woke think we should...

. CDC: Urgent Directive Dillard “Sparky” Barker Is a Doc at CDC. It seems he’s done a study That is sad for you and me. “Accidental deaths are At an all-time scary high. And just because we care We had to find the reason why. If you’ve had the jab...

. My Raven My Raven is a different bird. I guess he learned a different word Than Poe’s that uttered “Nevermore.” My Raven tells me, “Furthermore.” “Alright” I said “what do you want? Why did you choose my place to haunt? Why are you sitting at my door?” My Raven...

. Permanent Power Plan Scene: While Joe Biden is taking notes, the Statue of Liberty appears and gives him ideas. STATUE OF LIBERTYGive me your tired, your poor,Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free… BIDENBid them leave to reach our Southern border.Come one, come all, per Presidential order. STATUE OF LIBERTYThe wretched...

. Who’s the Villain Now? My poems drip with vitriol and gall,Each stanza driving home a heartfelt curse—A side-effect of drinking alcohol Incessantly.  I lack the wherewithalTo temper my intemperate temper; worse,My poems drip with vitriol and gall Since I’ve become an angry man in thrallTo stiffer drinks and grudges...

. Old? Hell No! in a thick British accent __It's bin three years an’ a day, __Since the Mrs. passed away, I still see ‘er face afore me smilin’ kindly. __For a while I wasn’t right, __I’d awake most every night, From a dream where I was searchin’ for ‘er...

. We went to a gender reveal. And we had an exceptional meal. __But the host was forlorn __when she unhusked her corn. It was pink instead of blue-teal. Her emotions were on full display. They should have been tucked far away, __entrenched in her chest __or deep in her...

. At the COP26 We all have piled up at the COP,For in a day the World may stop!No really, that’s what voters sayAnd that’s enough, so I’m here today. We must turn up or all goes pop—And yet I find my eyelids drop… Out in the cold, young Thunberg...

. For Better or for Worse? Poetic genius, swallowed from a bottle; Ingested from an opiate-filled pipe; Imagination speeding at full-throttle; A pleasure-domed Romantic archetype. No LSD or fentanyl required; No Kona Gold, Red Bull, or crack cocaine. As Byron said, “Whenever I was tired Laudanum, beer and wine removed...

. Biden Has an Accident at the Vatican Ubi Petrus, ibi Ecclesia: Where Peter is, there is the Church. Ubi Bergoglius, ibi merda: Where Bergoglio is, there is excrement. I came to see the Pontiff. He is a head of state. The Vatican is tiny but it has a lot...

. "Let's Go Brandon" People don’t want to say “F--k” When dealing with President Schmuck. So they say “Let’s go, Brandon” instead To a leader who’s nearly brain-dead. They know that the subject’s a moron More likely to doze off and snore on Than govern our fifty great states And...

. When I crave from my enclave something to eat (Not apples or peas or muffins or meat) I steady my stare at my pantry’s archive And spot a great lot that’ll keep me alive. In my haste for a taste of the finest cuisine I select my elected morsel...

. The cats are creatures of a liberal kind, For on the laps of commie artists, you’ll find Them. Coffee too you’ll find in their domain, Not to drink so much as to maintain Their fashion, always looking lovely, cool, And to that end they will use any tool. On...

. BOO! I feel a fleshless presence: A faceless, soulless call To tomb-doom acquiescence Beyond a graveyard wall, Where ghoulish effervescence And ghostly iridescence In moon-kissed opalescence Enthrall at evenfall. I hear an eerie sighing. It jars me to the bone: A petrifying crying Beneath a marble stone. The moan is terrifying. The tone is mystifying. What spook is occupying The dust-and-ashes zone? I feel grim goosebumps prickle. My knuckles burn bright white. Cold sweat begins to trickle. I’m riding tides of fright. I’m in an awful pickle; The reaper’s whispers tickle...

. Dead Puppies On a break from the propaganda mill I found puppies I thought I could kill, So I shot them with zombie-rich juice--- I am Fauci, I need no excuse. I just couldn’t believe how they screech, So I cut all their cords that make speech And returned...

. To all the tough women in Texas who actually know how to handle guns. My daddy got the job for me. He wanted me to work. And daddy’s got a lot of social clout. I told him “When it comes to guns, I’m just a worthless jerk!” He answered,...

. It's raining now in New York City; Yes, I know that's true. For like that dreamer, Walter Mitty, Daydreams take me, too, To fabled places far away Upon a lazy, rainy day Where I can see and do and say What fancy leads me to. So, while I sit...

. Face-to-Face Meeting up, Darjeeling tea, So familiar, you and me. Here’s your cup, you raise it up Do a little "cheers" to me, Joke on "hospital-it-tea," Say, “How healing is a cup, More than a mask, as we sup.” . . Nightmare for Mike Lancaster, a friend who may...

. Pope Sylvester II and Meridiana Pope Sylvester II, born Gerbert de Aurillac (946-1003), is said to have had a demonic succubus named Meridiana who not only satisfied his sexual needs but also served as his counselor and advisor in many political and ecclesiasticalmatters. An account of this strange relationship...

. Perfect Apples The Law of Perfect Apples says it all:A malic acid tang pervades the crispAnd shocking mouth appeal that tells you fallIs under way.  If you should catch a wisp Of summer turning winter in the playYour tongue and nose were first created for,You’ll later fondly recollect the...

. I Took a Notion (A Man’s View) I took a notion once in life, To find myself a willing wife. A wife who’d cook and clean and mend And to my every need attend. I had a momentary lapse Within my mind that she perhaps, Might meek and mildly...

. Prince Albert in a Can What can I say? I wore a mask and did The social distance thing, got Pfizer-vaxxed And tested negative five times (I kid You not!), did online research, asked A lot of questions, followed every rule And took a trip to Maryland to lay...

. Pareidolia: The science of seeing faces in everyday objects. Apophenia: The human tendency to seek patterns in random information. Long-nosed creature In my tile, As I shower All the while, Nose that’s bulging, Smile half-cocked, Jawline sagging, Lips that mock. Apophenia I perceive. Random objects Stare at me. Smokey...

. Alfred the Great Alfred the Great was a shy king Who found it not much to his liking __Making do with cornflakes __‘Cos he’d burned all the cakes While hiding his face from the Viking. __ Sweyn Forkbeard It is said that Sweyn Forkbeard Would frequently walk weird. __His...

. read about Geronimo here Geronimo! That is my name; I’ve garnered international fame because I haven’t got TB, or have I? That’s the quandary which has become a running game. Results of skin tests say the same, both positive, but many claim false-positives apply to me, Geronimo! Protesters round...

. What Did Paul Revere? Listen, my children, and shed a tear, Because everything that he held dear Did vanish in the blink of an eye And banished, those who dared to defy The Bill of Lies of the Reign of Fear--- Listen, my children, and draw ye near. Neither...

. . Love Thy Neighbor Make no excuseIf sheer abuseIs all you giveTo those who live Around you.  OwnThat you aloneMust bear the shameAnd take the blame For having doneTo anyoneThe slightest wrongThat all along You rightly knewOne shouldn’t doTo others.  WhatAre neighbors but Reflected lightFrom what is rightIn open...

. Prerequisites for a Trendy Poetry Reading Casual clothes, streetwise but debonair: Knit sweater, denims (slightly dishabille); A tentative, apologetic air, As if you told what you would most conceal; Credentials of the avant garde, implied In the unstudied flexion of your spine; A contrapposto at the lectern’s side To...

. Discrimination by Who? YMCA basketball for 7-year olds It’s not the least bit personal, But kids who have no skills at all, Will often seem to find themselves Without much chance to touch the ball. Still one dad, very angrily, Chose bitter confrontation, Proclaiming kids and coaches guilty Of...

. https://youtu.be/ErwnJkA4G68 inspired by a T-shirt at a Boston freedom rally You may be wondering why Freedom had to die. You may be wondering why Freedom had to die. If you were wondering why Freedom had to die, Here's why: The protected Need to be protected From the unprotected By...

. In Love's Counting House by Charles d’Orléans (1394–1465) One day I asked my heart to heed A claim for pay that I commended, And we in secret soon agreed That he would tell, for pains expended In risky service, what descended To me as earnings from Love’s sweets. Most...

. Regret Hangs on Where Opportunity Once Existed There are lots of sad words we lament with such ease,But there’s none any sadder and mournful than these:I regret my decisions, and wish to go backTo that Y in the road where my life went off track. I was foolhardy, reckless,...

. August 31, 2021 Humpty Dumpty looked at the wallHumpty Dumpty said “This must fall.”Mexican cartels, yes rapists and thugs,Cross now with ease and sold Humpty his drugs. Humpty Dumpty left a long war.Humpty Dumpty said, “What’s this for?”Sitting all cozy in his leather chairLeaving Americans screwed over there. Humpty...

. The Untrue Artist “The true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother drudge for his living at seventy, sooner than work at anything but his art” ---George Bernard Shaw I’ve put untapped potential on a shelf much like a book one someday wants to...

. À La Mode In Antarctica The boffins in Antarctica are well Adapted to the climate on the ice. Among the most exclusive personnel, For stylish kit they pay a tidy price. To wow the penguins and to look their best They wear top-flight designer gear. Forget The rest, the...

. It’s Fall, Y’all!   Autumn is here and I’m swathed in a sweater, A snug fluffy scarf and warm mittens. My Ugg-cuddled feet have never felt better; These boots are as cute as soft kittens. Autumn is here and it’s chocolate I’m sipping With melted marshmallows galore. Pumpkin-spice candles are glowing and flickering,...

. El Chapo El Chapo was a criminal, a very nasty bloke. A dealer in Amphetamines, along with Crack and Coke. He plied his trade in Mexico, where guns and drugs are rife. He made a pile of money and enjoyed the wealthy life. But then one day the cops...

. California Wildfires to the tune of “California Dreamin’” All her landscape bronzed, Her breezes ashen gray, What can Cali dream on, Despoiled and rechauffée? Never safe, too sultry In her disarray . . . California wildfires Have scorched her prime cachet. Tresses blazing gold Her forest wealth display, Woods...