Humor

. Grimm   The days of steering princesses from danger With sweet salvation’s life-sustaining kiss From shining-armored knight or regal stranger Are now considered horribly remiss. Young damsels in distress with golden tresses (Rapunzels with a Rumpelstiltskin fear) Will wince at any prince whose kisser blesses Them with a peck as peril's footsteps near. The same applies to victims of the spindle, All...

. “Daddy! There’s the big yellow ‘M’!” “May I take your order ple---?” “One Big Mac, Coke and fries!” Dad  yells, “and---” “Happy Meal for me!” “Coach” Dad would bus our team for shakes (whether we lost or won) cocooned in camaraderie, Great times, those days such fun! The day...

  Raison Du Jour Reason is like tea.It’s best at four o’clock,Which is an hour before cocktailsAnd two hours before dark. . . Finding at the Door a Disheveled Man Late on a Sunday Afternoon You don’t believe that I am Christ returnedbecause, you say, so often you’ve been burnedby...

. It was only a two stone cat, Now what do you think about that? If it sat on your lap, Both your femurs would snap. It was twenty-eight pounds of pure fat. Its owners would feed it on fish, Which they placed every day in its dish. Where it...

. The CCP Position on the Origin of Covid Point to their part Of the globe, And you’re a racist Xenophobe. . . Conmander in Chief Things are quickly getting better, Many times Joe Biden’s said it. Though vaccines are this trend setter, He won’t give Trump any credit. ....

. Logic Class As class convenes I quickly indicate in clear logician's diction of my eagerness to share my disposition to determine if we're here or there, or if instead we're neither here nor there. A student with a lisp, who would have been dismissed by any academic dean or...

. A Can of Worms I saw it in the writing on the wall. I couldn’t help but read between the lines. I knew that pride would come before a fall; A bold and blatant sign of troubled times. Caught within the crosshairs and red-handed, (I’d Champagne tastes and lean,...

. False statements spurn. Let’s shut them out completely. Quash so–called free speech. Cancel all you can. Do people think deplorables sing sweetly Or weren’t all guilty since the world began? If vile, white racist attitudes prevail In any form, for any length of time, They’ll just delay the hour that we can...

. Unintended Consequence The African-American High schooler had poor grades. Folks worried for his future, Seeing little effort made. Some caring people spoke to him, And urged it would be best, If he worked hard to raise his grades For college and success. The youth replied that grades don’t count...

. A Slice from a sonnet by Eleanor Alexander For me, my friends, no graveside vigil keep, With gnashing teeth and sodden handkerchief And grievous howls of outraged disbelief That I, so virile once, am six feet deep. Console yourselves that he is but asleep, This life below a mere...

. To the Residents Down Below I am a bookish kind of rat And like each rat before me, I’ve come to the conclusion that There’s few folks that adore me. Although I feel that this is wrong, I try to be pragmatic, I’d like us just to get along...

. Her birthday cake was verily a sight--- A work of art, a sugary-sweet confection, That much to all the revelers’ delight, The baker decorated to perfection. It brought a special twinkle to her eye, To see it topped with flowers freshly-picked, But when the reddest-red she did espy, What...

. Default, to a Fault There are as many deeds I ought to do As there are jobs in urgent need of doing. My task is knowing whether to pursue Them, or, too overwhelmed, to stop pursuing. As numerous as shores that hem the sea Are duties I am constantly...

. Fallen Arches “Not one change of species into another is on record… we cannot prove that a single species has been changed.” ---Charles Darwin I heard today that Darwin’s Arch had crumbled. Its lid blew off and plunged into the sea. The dizzy heights of Charlie boy have tumbled....

. Her name was Tatyana she had eyes of steely blue, She seemed the sort of girl from whom you’d learn a thing or two. So ample in the bosom and so slender in the hips, And every man she came across would sigh and smack his lips. The sunny...

. Today I will be turning seventy, An age I’ll claim with some temerity. I’ll welcome it with both serenity And sober, grave, austere solemnity. I’d hoped to celebrate my destiny By jotting down some lines of poetry. But RhymeZone claims with full-blown certainty, “There is no word that rhymes...

. Everyone Knows Fog and smoke! Such confusion we’re subject to! So much danger to me and you From the yahoos without a clue! Now we’re woke! It’s high time that we reassess This society’s thorough mess. Toward utopia we will press! . 1. Our experts tell us, “Build back...

. The Phones with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe Phones, phones, phones, See the people with their phones, Silver, pink and paisley phones, On the subways and the buses and the sidewalks, all alone, Lost in intimate exchanges with their phones, phones, phones. Hear the murmuring of phones, In their...

. Light Side an interpretation of the apology by the DarkSide ransomware hackers Our motives are mercenary, and apolitical.Putin puts in a good word; we’re good guys!We’re taken aback that we hacked such a criticalline of supplies; it’s a nasty surprise.Now branded as anarchists, worse, analyticalterrorists plotting a nation’s demise,$5...

. in response to Mike Bryant's "CDC: New Guidance" “The Helicap’s a wondrous thing,” I heard the salesman say, I ordered one from Amazon, it came the other day. It fits just like a bathing cap; it's colorful and slick, And has these huge propeller blades that spin at quite...

. Raw Now, listen, if you want to know the truth: The world's a battleground of claw and tooth. . Spare the Details Elections, like the spawning of the salmon, Are something we would rather not examine. . Dutch Courage Though everyone will vote for whom they like, Damn few...

. Piteous Fools! The time has comeWhen all men seek to be is numb.The toils of our daily lifeDo overwhelm us all with strifeWithin ourselves; we aim to findA refuge somewhere for our mindTo have its day of rest; the meansMay vary, as do our routines,From day to day, from...

. For a Friend Fighting Cancer And so it seems before the dawn that darkness reigns and hope is gone. I understand that is the way you feel. But dawn will come, and then bright sun. One day your struggle will be done. And you will be quite different when...

. Entering college is an easy way Of making lots of friends, a herd of mares; Just drink a toast to Lenin any day, Down vodka’s revolution with your cares. Attending climate rallies might just aid Your fame among your left progressive mates, And help your faith in God almighty...

. Split a line from a nursery rhyme and use the halves to open and close a poem. Post yours in the comments section below. This challenge comes from Joe Tessitore, who offers the below two examples: . "The Farmer in the Dell" The farmer Raised a tower for his...

.. Whoever said that change is good Is living in a purple wood Behind a tree behind a bough; A purple horse and purple cow, For progress is a purple haze Confusing nights; confounding days. Our education system’s shot. No morals teach for we forgot To Pledge Allegiance, say a...

. Set your priorities—don't be uncouth—know the Secret to happiness lies in this truth: “Though the Sum of all things is a secret worth looking for, Perfect lasagna is something worth cooking for.” Take what you know, do a Ted Talk and teach on it. Don’t overdo it, present it,...

.   "To indulge in hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian tergiversation is not to show your erudition: rather, it is to be superficial.” ---Steven George Krantz Thalamic tarantismLed to tachyphagia...Ventripotential schism,Perhaps a slight dysphasia? My nudiustertian hike Featured pogonotomy.This mumpsimus is likeA walking botched lobotomy. Hippopotomonstro-sesquipedalianism,It sounds like an animal, thoughIt’s what every animal isn’t....

Compiled by Roy E. Peterson Readers are encouraged to add other great poets' and writers' epitaphs in the comments section below, or write a poem for their own epitaphs. . Prologue Both authors well and lesser known Write their own epitaphs for stone. What fascinations fill my mind To think what...

. The Tale of Governor Do-as-I-Say-Not-as-I-Do-som It’s funny how Democracy In many states now colored blue Produces rank hypocrisy, A birthright of the privileged few. And there we notice Gavin Newsom Imbibing wine for all to see, Complicit in a maskless twosome Inside a swanky eatery. But this is urban...

.  Brush with Shame In reference to “Couple accidentally paints over $500,000 artwork,” Ben Cost, New York Post, 4/3/21 The whole world over they are in a stew: Our artists and creators share the view That “artwork” they create or else display Is “hands off”—there’s just nothing else to say....

. O Spring, you’re such a tease, Fickle as a good-time lover; Temptingly, you hover Warm against my cheek, Windless, save a zephyr; And oh so soft your whisper Of promise, only to hide Away again. I seek, Not to find. Your breeze Blows hot, then cold. Decide! . ....

. The gaffe-prone Duke of Edinburgh has died, who asked if native Aussies still chucked spears and told some Brits they’d end up slitty-eyed for living in Beijing too many years. Yet what a gap this man of action filled. In World War Two he rode the cruel seas, then...

. The Seven Dwarves of Old Age The seven dwarves of old age __Have come to live with me, But what could be the use of them __Is more than I can see. First Napper came and gave a wink __And slept upon my bed. Warm afternoons are quiet time...

. Bardolatry He boasted an iambic ear, That playwright with insight, Shakespeare; Yes, Measure for Measure He’s given much pleasure With Hamlet, Macbeth and King Lear. The Bard’s jealous fellow, Othello, Brings lust, unjust murder and bellow— You’re after a laugh? Then check out Falstaff Or Malvolio’s tights of bright yellow. In mystic Midsummer Night’s Dream  Titania’s a mean fairy queen; There’s Puck, of wild antic, And Bottom, a frantic,...

.   __Like Don Quixote’s windmills, rhymes keep spinning in my head! My dark-passion is to write Light Verse; my curse, to go unread. __I keep submitting—vain attempts!— though earnest, judged a joke. My Poetic License—not expired— they’ve chosen to revoke. __Though I’d rework, rewrite, revise to grace some lit...

. She started her Pilates class, Upon the Internet. The city was in lockdown, So, she knew, some work she’d get. She started on her webpage, Working hard into the night. She knew it wasn’t easy, So, she had to get it right. But she wasn’t good at spelling, As...

. The Odyssey of a recovering patient of the Orthopedic and Spine Specialists (OSS) hospital in York, PA; January 2019. (My hospital experience could not have been better. Surgeons, nurses, aids, therapists, and dietary personnel are all first-rate. But my body's reaction was another matter.) Prologue My L-five, S-one fusion done,...

. . On a Starred Night derived from a George Meredith poem On a starred night, Prince Lucifer uprose; From smoke and stink and howl of the distraught And sulphur stench and brimstone, change he sought. Garbed in inconspicuous human clothes, He walked abroad, but not a one of those...

. I wish I could build me a magic machine, A magic machine that would last, Till the octopus sings and the Orca grows wings, And the lowly worm ceases to cast. I’d fashion the walls out of wonder and trust, The floors out of paper-maché, The roof a fine...