Humor

. We appreciate your purchase of this version of the game That caused Mr. Milton Bradley to become a household name. Though we cannot laud the methods for his capital success, We endorse Life, with some updates, which we here below address: First, the game begins in grade school, not...

. How to Write a Formal Poem(That Doesn’t Seem Like One) abandon capitals at all times. TrustYour sense for sound but, please, avoid rhymes. ChooseA rhythm you can readily adjustAnd phrase what you mean so it does not fitIambic’s smooth predestination. UseYour head, or use a pencil if you must,To...

. Dillard “Sparky” Barker Is a Doc at CDC. He’s announced a market- Driven cure for you and me. Helicaps—not beanies Are the answer to our prayers. The downward blowing breezes Now defeat all virus scares. The proof is unequivocal, The science has been settled. And now, it’s not that...

. Is poetry that’s free as free as all That?  Surely it’s the poet who is free Or not.  He makes the choice to make a sprawl Of words (and punctuation?) dribblingly Straight (straight?) along the right-hand margin, or Elects to wander from that side to God Knows where.  Then reeling like a...

. Dear President Biden You act as if you were elected To spend my great-grandchildren’s money. By spending trillions you’ve infected Each one of them with debt gone viral, And I don’t think it’s wise or funny To doom them to a downward spiral. I know that endless spend-spend-spending Will...

. The Plague They muzzle their breath, Sealed in rooms as if in tombs, Scared to death of death. . . A Tale from the City They’ve worn my patience very thin So I wear my mask upon my chin “Nose exposed!”, a stranger’s cry! “Brains in chains!”, my swift...

. Our neighbours bought a sheepdog: a heeler brindled blue, And all was well (or so it seemed) until his faults showed through; For when it came to penning sheep, he lost a large amount, And bit the hand which fed him when taken to account. They use him very...

. Rededication The sullen days of winter Remain a galling splinter Within my thickened skin, So let the games begin! Though I’m inclined to focus Upon the blooming crocus, The loom of April fills My mind with daffodils. With every spring, an Easter, But will it bring me feast or...

. A Box of Chocolates is like Life: (That Mrs. Gump she got it right.) You  never know just what you’ll get, so take a chance: Jump in; don’t fret! Life’s Bittersweet---both dark and light--- but with some luck, most bites you’ll like. It helps to read the Contents Card, as some...

. The Bibliophile’s Birth Certificate Marius Michel (1846-1925) was one of the most prominent and gifted bookbinders in France. He produced work in strikingly beautiful and unique designs, and today his bound volumes are precious collector’s items. Marius Michel, maître de reliure, Bound my soul in fine-grained red morocco; Culled...

. Don’t you love the Oxford Dictionary?  When I first read it, I thought it was a really really long poem about everything. —David Bowie A dictionary is an indispensable Companion on the journey through the many words Forgot or never learned.  It’s reprehensible How soon they fly away, like...

. A kangaroo visiting from Australia beholds the kangaroo court attempting to impeach President Trump for the second time and, taking the current kangaroo judge’s momentary absence as an opportunity, dresses up as judge and addresses the court. Folk took my name in vain When they joined in the refrain...

. A touch of wit is worth its writ in gold. We miss you, John, for being ever bold. You spoke your mind or, rather, wrote it down with learning lightly worn, and played the clown. Your loyal readers understand this truth: Such seriousness requiring a sleuth to figure out...

. The Second Roman Empire Those were the days, when Julius Caesar Saw a country and would seize her, And the busty Roman matrons Ran the house and bossed the patrons. Christians, at the least suggestion, Gave the lions indigestion; Later, Emperors used perversion Like tennis, as a light diversion,...

. Jelly Guts Rule The book, we’ve been apprised, is most uncool— Young Marco and the farmer by the pool, Wits locked in friendly if serious duel, And Marco sends the farmer off to school. One Dr. Seuss, its author, we’ll allow, Here glorified in clever rhyme (and how!) Imaginative...

. Oh hail the master puppeteer, Controller of the strings. The altruistic engineer, Sagaciousness he brings. With breathtaking dexterity, He moves us all about. From rich and famed celebrity, To every down-and-out. When he feels the time is right He drives our limbs to action. Manipulating day and night Gives...

. Around the rearview mirror of my car There hangs a gonfalon of love divine. My talisman, my bright and guiding star, From which both fortitude and healing shine. What is this mighty banner hanging down? Not cross nor tassel, but the soft damask That forms the flag by which...

. Advice from Dante “If you hear nostrums* in the market cried, Behave like men, and not like witless sheep.” ---Dante, Paradiso, Canto V Behave like men, and not like witless sheep. The CDC has shown no evidence That covering one’s face with cloth will keep The people near us...

. I heard the harvested remains Of infants coursing through my veins Will save me from the Wuhan Flu--- I’m gonna get some, how ‘bout you? Those babies were already dead, Their blood’s not really on my head So fill that needle, stick it far--- I’ll leave my conscience in...

. Bang! “The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.”---This quote was attributed by John Kennedy to medieval thinker Dante Alighieri  I’m polite and I am civil. I am civil and polite. I nod at dullest drivel, My eyes and...

. Girolamo Savonarola Here we are at circus, you and me and all the others, facing each and every way in the Age of Absurdity. Rather alike some Swiftian satire, some Aesopian consequence, some Seussian phantasmagoria where all the world is upside down, facing sideways in slow-motion walking backwards into...

 . This silver-furred yogi of how to stay fit,  This bespectacled guru of health,  Is a growly voiced sage of nefarious wit;  A hoodwinking master of stealth.  This flip-flopping, truth-chopping, sly hypocrite;  This barefaced disgrace; demon prince of batshit,  Is rolling in ill-gotten wealth.    This fork-tongued ace fudger of figures and facts  Who wove the apocalypse thread,  Has backtracked on data...

The author of the above poem, circulating online, is unknown. From The Epoch Times (March 2, 2021) "Biden Omits Mention of Dr. Seuss From ‘Read Across America Day’ Amid Concerns of Racist Undertones": President Joe Biden appears to have removed legendary children’s book author Dr. Seuss from “Read Across America...

. . He met her one Summer, the girl of his dreams, A freckle-faced beauty just out of her teens. He chatted her up, and he thought he’d done well, But with these young women, you never can tell. She said she was happy to be on her own, So,...

. Governor Mussolini Fifteen thousand souls,Killed by the stroke of his pen,For whom no bell tolls. . . Covid Chronicles I saw a naked face today---It nearly took my breath away!I knew the girl and so I asked “How is it, Dear, that you’re unmasked?”. “I’m on the phone, as...

. In Astrophysics, I’m ranked “One,” and Greek and Latin I find fun. All serve me well at Crossword “Times,” with each day’s matrix solved by nine. Most free verse, though? Puzzles abstruse; Augean tasks for “us obtuse.” It’s glossy verse too recherché for even Hercules to slay! But many...

. Dear friends we gather here to say goodbye To words once used to speak both truth and lie. The HE and SHE and HIS and HERS and MINE By ZIE interred forever at ZIR shrine. No more can we know ZIM or VER by gender Just judging by the...

. The Internet’s a work of art, Now everybody’s phone is smart. They’re very compact, very small, And so, begins a tale so tall. For once upon a time, a gent, A load of cash one day he spent. Delighted now, he was to own, A brand new, shiny Apple...

. For others it may be a breeze. Those hardy Arctic folk would wheeze With laughter as we Texans sneeze __And shiver. This slick of ice and lick of snow; This frightful bite as ill winds blow Nips our fingers, numbs our toes--- __We quiver. All those of us who...

  There is a scourge that permeates our midstWhich we cannot so easily dismiss.Elitists strive to elevate this curse;A type of art most poets call free verse. True poetry once rhymed and had some form,A style evoking passion was the norm;But now these attributes are deemed archaicAs it makes little difference how you...

. For my friend Rose R., with sincere condolences. Good Lord, imagine my bad luck: I’m married to a hockey puck. I don’t know how it came about— A lover morphed into a lout! You’re a widow, not a wife, When hockey is your husband’s life. In his world, only...

. L O V E... It’s not a dozen scentless hothouse roses. __It’s not a chocolate-box of sweet cliché. It’s not the scorching kiss that lust imposes __To lead the fired and fevered flesh astray. It’s not an aphrodisiacal dinner __Or sighs in dizzy highs of fine Champagne. It’s not...

C.B. Anderson was the longtime gardener for the PBS television series, The Victory Garden.  Hundreds of his poems have appeared in scores of print and electronic journals out of North America, Great Britain, Ireland, Austria, Australia and India. 

. All Major League Baseball teams share revenues, We treat them as if they were brothers. But sometimes self-interest means we refuse To treat each the same as the others. Some teams like the Yankees are wealthy, you see, We want them to win by competing. But when they are...

. Reality Check A ladybug landed on my arm On Saturday. I felt the charm The chosen feel. It brought with it Good luck—or so I thought—then bit Deep into me, paused for air, Spread its spots beside a hair, Then bit again. My gratitude became alarm That such a...

. They’re impeaching Number 45 today--- Like toddlers born to moan, Like bulldogs with a bone, Like warlords with a drone, Like tyrants on a throne, Although they know The Don left yesterday--- They’re impeaching Number 45 today. They’re impeaching Number 45 today--- Like straw-men with no brain, Like swindlers...

. They’ll be coming for you soon, Chairman Xho. It’s an old, familiar tune that we all know. You’ve been howlin’ at the moon And they’ll say that you’re a loon And you’ll bring us all to ruin, Chairman Xho. They’ll say that you’re their bro, Chairman Xho. But you...

. “Ha ha,” is all she gives her Dad when he makes fun of what she said. No more parental Galahad who nightly carried her to bed. He’s just a jaded humorist who doesn’t even merit laughs from her which once were numerous. For now she deems such jibes are...

. We can “Build Back Better” if we choose “Truth Over Lies.” What these slogans promise lead us to a big surprise. When the new administration’s promises come true, This is what we’ll get when what they say is what they do: * * * Here’s a happy poem with...

. The Senior Covid Blues I have read many articles about the virus particles that swirl about and sneak into our noses. I know it takes tenacity to keep one’s lung capacity and not look up and see the roots of roses! According to virology my system’s etiology does put...