Humor

. Lahaina Mynahs The droppings of a thousand Mynah birds (While nesting in a Maui banyan tree) Descended on my pre-teen daughter. Words Cannot describe her abject misery. Her shoulders, arms and hands were plastered white As were her t-shirt and her auburn hair. In shock, she stood there screaming—what...

. Blackwater River State Park A warm summer day. The kayak floats quietly. The cicadas sing. . . Nightfall at Pensacola Beach The sun has now set And not a light can be seen. What just made that splash? . . The Forts of Pensacola Bay The guns are silent....

. The world is ruled by two men­---Jack and Zuck, More than their strange appearance their deeds suck. Jack’s goatee truly suits a Marxist boss Who for free speech and thought gives not a toss, While Zuck the Cuck with Chinese spouse has luck In getting socialists to pay a...

. Go, Fading Leaf __Go, fading leaf, Tell him who thought my heart to spurn __That life is brief (But briefer still his love did burn __I fool enough was to return). __Tell him who sold Our shaky venture for the rock __Of love grown cold: He ought to’ve taken...

. B.C./D.C. Where history and myth converge Two famous founders do emerge, Of nations that excelled at war. (Coincidence?  Or something more?) George Washington and Romulus Are equally eponymous, And they’re remembered nowadays In curious divergent ways: The latter founded seven hills; The former’s found on dollar bills. . ....

. How To Be Like Byron Bright butterfly, why do you fade Into that duller, browner shade That strays into the flame at night? You’ve lost your nature’s vibrant light And seek it in another source. For you, I’ll heartily endorse A colorful biography To help you live by, dogma-free....

. Daily we vent and cement our position In righteous and virtuous words. Unity fails if each crucial decision Is left to the whim of the herds. Deplorable plebs are so flawed and naïve When treading the foolhardy path That maddens our minds. Where’s the creed we believe? We think...

. I fear my motivation’s dead; there’s no one home inside my head. I’ve looked for it from dusk to dawn; I tell you, it is really gone! The situation is quite dire; my neurons will no longer fire. I worry that I’m up a creek while it’s off playing...

.   January 25 is the birthday of Scottish poet Robert Burns (1759–1796). On or near this day, Scots worldwide gather for a supper of haggis (traditionally made of sheep innards), whisky, and poetry. Henderson’s Salad Table is a vegetarian legend. This vibrant family business had expanded to three locations...

Seven inches, simple dark design My modern mind disdains the notion That the measure of devotion Is the size or splendor of the shrine. Spilling supplications, meat and wine My ancestors with deep emotion Worshiped as a magic potion Stones that smoothed their steps to the divine. Sparse to me...

. My inconsistent pharmacist, Administer that certain cure That can relax my hardened fist In doses sweet with taste impure. O give me something for the pain, My head thumps fast, my heart beats slow, Or take a glance into my brain, For only then you’ll really know Just how...

(All poems by Bruce Dale Wise) The Victory of Donald J. Trump in the 2020 U.S. Election by Erisbawdle Cue You can’t make something be so, if the numbers are all wrong. You can’t hide Waldo in a place where he does not belong. You can’t explain by obfuscating and...

. Benvenuto Cellini’s Salt-Cellar A woman sitting back, just mildly curious To hear a man’s contrived, seductive patter, Waiting to see what fabrications spurious He’s dreamt up now. It doesn’t really matter— She has no interest in him beyond this: The day is long, his chitchat passes time; In half...

. Humility Lo, I have seen the Muses plain. What need Have I to go on living?—’Twas in Rome: I touched the flesh (it was a holy deed) That Michelangelo shaped out of stone. O what a great and glorious legacy The Ancients left us!—beautiful and rare. But look at...

. Wokeness by Russel Winick “Amen and Awoman” the Congressman said, The Leftists all thought it was great. What more woke insanity now lies ahead? That young females “womanstruate”? .  . Nightfall by C.B. Anderson No longer will our children learn in school A history that's free from outright lies...

. An Ode to Letters We cannot be sure what the future will hold, But I doubt this prediction will fail. That no one will ever unearth in an attic An old treasure trove of email. . . Outvoted In my marriage I have noted That when all is said...

  This ode concerns a wealthy gent, To London Town, one day he went. He’d paid to see an Opera, But got more than he bargained for. For as he reached the City wall, He stopped to take a cell phone call, Whilst crawling gently to the curb, So residents,...

Selected by Beverly Stock ---From Liver Pills to stuff that kills, and makes it smooth to die, The last is not their mission, though, and yet within their power, But if you’re sick--go to them quick, or you may rue the hour, You kept on monkeying with fate, and deemed...

  Dear Edgar, __We’re sorry our response has taken so much time, but it grieves and pains to tell you that you’ve missed our paradigm. __While past works were droll and erudite ---nay, frighteningly “sublime!”--- we just couldn’t help but notice, Ed, Alas! This thing shows rhyme!     Tonia...

. . The Rub   I’ve had a taste of wonder and I cannot give it back. I’ve seen each deep state blunder and the swamp’s heart dipped in black. I’ve witnessed this great country as it’s getting back on track. And now, to put it bluntly, we are under...

. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer---A Sonnet Poor Rudolph was a reindeer with a nose resembling a bulb of bright red hue. The other reindeer laughed and said, “It glows like Santa’s after knocking back a few.” They called him ‘Scarlet Schnozz’ and wouldn’t play or socialise with Rudolph till a...

. “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ---Albert Einstein If I put forth a single vaccine questionAbout a jab that’s whipped up in a flash,And ponder on my shot-or-not position,Why should my reputation hit the trash? I’m called an...

. . The Rape of Lady Liberty In Memoriam: November 3, 2020 by Patrick Henry Redivivus They did the awful deed within the dark--- Brute men with beastly hearts, as black as coal, And blinded minds, like vicious dogs that bark Then bite the hand that fills their feeding bowl....

based on a true story My wife’s in bed with lowered head and even lower mood. Her chin’s on her chest and she’s not impressed though at least she’s eating her food. Her smiles are few (one’s way overdue), this downtime’s, I hope, but a blip. I’ll leave it at...

. Stages of Arrested Development __The lads who once had wet their beds __Adventured off in brand-new Keds, Exploring every corner of creation. __Age twelve or so, they raced on sleds __Down icy streets and risked their heads For flashes of adrenal coruscation. __Years later, callow newly-weds, __Their careless words...

_ On Your Marx If humans ran a Human Race, __Karl Marx would not be in it. The human depth that he could trace __would leach out in a minute. For he is neither man nor beast __but half-life near demonic, A few kneels from satanic priest __reversing good, moronic....

Poet Susan Jarvis Bryant challenges her fellow poets to adapt a favorite joke into a poem with meter and rhyme. Enjoy her examples and then post your own joke-turned-poem into the comments section below. . Pony Tale My heart used to hanker for horses (that bright equine blaze of delight)...

2 November 2020 Two weeks and counting here I be In clutches of the CCP I don’t delight as I once did In birthday presents, cards, and quid, But my two darling angel-girls Served me with functionary pearls That bode delightful memories Unlike what came from overseas And self-opened in...

  The turkey that we blithely ate Had little cause to celebrate The final Thursday in November. It's customary to dismember A hapless bird that's plucked and trussed To satisfy our boundless lust For juicy chunks of roasted meat. The friends and relatives we seat Are thankful for the now...

  Thanksgiving 1984 2020 Wear a mask until you eat and never touch your face. Muzzle up between each bite and when you’re saying grace. No more guests than four to eight at six full feet apart. To cough is reprehensible but do feel free to fart.* Though family dos...

  Cricket The game of Cricket, I’ll relate, Goes back to fifteen fifty-eight, Upon a field in Guildford way, In Surrey, many miles away. The game was played by many more, Up to the English Civil War. The village game was in the swing, With many people gambling. By sixteen...

Mozart on His Kegelstatt Trio Quite recently I wrote a little trio While wasting time at skittles with some friends. We needed something for the clarinet, Something not dolorous, but not con brio— A trifle which, their being at loose ends, Would keep my buddies occupied and set Them on...

_ Pope Urban II Sonnet-Speech, Clermont, 1095 Oh Noblemen, I’m charged by God to warn that Christendom is threatened by the Turk. Torched churches and our pilgrim dead we mourn, whilst in Jerusalem’s bounds brute pagans lurk. At home your greed and thuggish acts have placed your souls in peril,...

  On Marriage I married a girl named Sue And alas! She married me too!     As Then, So Now When years ago and many ages since My flaming ardor flared (now fondness thrives For you, most wondrous of all wondrous wives), You turned this mortal pittance to a...

  She was the one who approached me and spoke, Saying my lectures had swept her away. Maybe we could have occasional chats After class ended, with coffee or drinks? Cued and emboldened, I made an advance— Shyly receptive, she moistened her lips Whispering that she would love an amour....

  Mary had a little lamb His fleece was white as snow. This little lamb, we’ll call him Stan, Starred at a livestock show. Stan followed her to cooking school Her class was on white sauce, It’s made with butter, dredge and milk--- Without sauce, meals are lost. Poor Mary...

  A Verse for the Morning After As thieves and pirates count our votes And set us at each other’s throats And fiddle while our cities burn, I wonder, will we ever learn?     November 4th November 3rd has come and gone And so for some, a dismal dawn....

Post your Election Day poem in the comments section below.    Quatrains They “battle for the soul of the nation” And have their voting registration As Democrats—it’s true, at least They’re spiritual, for they’re deceased!   The news is in, Joe Biden’s got The perfect pick for a key spot:...

The American Revolution: An Epic Poem Chapter I Chapter II by Andrew Benson Brown   Chapter III: The New-World Mercury The historical source material for the below installment is Paul Revere’s Ride, by David Hackett Fischer   “Listen up stupid, or you’ll mishear Of the midnight ride of—someone dear… I...

Let's Do It! The surgeon does it in a snip within a stitch of time. The comic does it with a quip, the actor with a line. Morticians do it clad in black with grave and stiff demeanor. The lawyer on the legal track while clutching his subpoena. The padre...