Humor

by Joe Tessitore and James A. Tweedie We are issuing a challenge to all poets to create poems that incorporate word homophones. Call it what you like, but we are calling it a Homophonic Poetry Challenge. Every poem should contain at least one perfect or near-perfect homophone. Puns, while not...

Faust Money ___________________________I sold my soul for silver. ___________________________In blood I signed my name. I soon enjoyed the benefits of wealth, success, and fame. ___________________________I sold my soul for silver. ___________________________The day came to collect, And I couldn’t pay with cash or with renown or with respect. ___________________________I sold my...

(All poetry by Bruce Dale Wise) Haiku by W. "Cured Eel" Sabi I came to the sea. I saw mountains of water. I conquered nothing. *** The fisherman drops his line with bated breath down to a certain depth. W. "Cured Eel" Sabi is a poet of Japan and the...

  His frame was gaunt, his income was erratic: The crowd ignored the writer high above Who wrote and brooded in his lonely attic, Starving for beauty, poetry and love. These days, although his Muse is rather quiet, The royalties and praises never cease. He's found his niche, but needs...

(Anapestic trimeter, in the vein of Edward Lear) On June 19, 2007, an official presentation took place of the document "Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road," published by the Pontifical Council concerning self-control when stuck in traffic.   Now Driving can be an ordeal; lord knows there are...

Love Song for a Grapefruit Dear Grapefruit, I of late have been untrue, Seduced by sweet confections of all sorts; My tastebuds languish, and my girth reports Unwanted gain from my neglect of you. The cakes, the cookies left me dull and slow; My sugar-ravaged tongue is all athirst. Now...

Investment Strategies At work we studied many charts and graphs With due attention to the bottom line, But had we dwelt upon our epitaphs We would have spent our days decanting wine. First published in The Flea.   Mosquitoes I’d gladly give a pint or two a year— extracted gently...

I'll never own a leaf blower, I'll never rake with noise, Or drive away God's tiny mole By blasting at his tunnel hole. I'll never own a leaf blower, I'll never scream my task, Or trample over village green, With monster-wicked shit machine. I'll never own a leaf blower, I'll...

Haiku   When a newborn cries, locked in a room by itself, does it make a sound?   Fog enshrouds the night. Woven in the heavy mist, a thread of fireflies.     In Time - a Limerick When a beautiful moment transpires, In the midst of the smoke and...

Bucket-Kicking Musings “Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” —Mark Twain When my mortal coil has shuffled off, I’ll not lie in the buff; I’ll rock a chic sarcophagus in sequins, pearls ‘n stuff. I’ll be looking bloody marvelous for one...

Gray I feel a certain loyalty to gray. Gray days, gray sweaters, cars - gray everything. Gray soothes and calms. It doesn’t boast, or fling itself before you like some shades do (they know who they are). Gray broods, as if to say, “Let’s wait and see. Don’t get excited,...

Faith I'm pond scum, someone said today. Some soup primordial, in a bay was struck by lightning. Oh, I see I'm wrought by electricity... then, look! it’s a bacterium who, in a deep delirium, decided he would rather be a worm that crawls out of the sea. From there it's...

https://youtu.be/Mgo1YAUIglg https://youtu.be/zhbwPHKXU-c https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5XvAB3keVo&feature=youtu.be https://youtu.be/bFQnvh-pJ4Q

  From A Gallery of Ethopaths Ethopaths fear, as much as cancer, A straight, unvarnished, simple answer. They love the euphemistic chatter That clouds up an essential matter. Seeing things clearly and addressing Their substance with no elaborate dressing Strikes ethopaths as plain immoral. They’d rather take a dose of...

  The Teacher to His Students The traffic light turns green. Your car won’t budge. You’re either texting or completely blind. And when you do proceed, you’re slow as fudge. You’re still engrossed. We’ve come to know your kind. Or maybe you’re just walking down the street. The sidewalk’s safe...

A Haiku My mirror shatters and what most clearly matters remains to be seen.   You and Me Some sins do not offend Our Lord - in fact with mine, I think He’s bored. But sadly though, I must report that yours are of a different sort. They constitute the...

  The Woke Man’s Person’s Burden "Virtually no idea is too ridiculous to be accepted, even by very intelligent and highly educated people, if it provides a way for them to feel special and important. Some confuse that feeling with idealism." —Thomas Sowell Take up the Woke Man’s Person’s burden—...

Pablo Neruda on the Passing of Joseph Stalin by Wibele Escudar We must be men. That is the law that Joseph Stalin left. Sincere intensity and concrete clarity are best. He was the noon of man. Let us from this not be bereft. Let's bear these words with pride, all...

—from A Gallery of Ethopaths The bookshops that we used to see Were citadels of literacy. Classics of grace and wit and style Greeted your glance in every aisle. Today, those humane texts are fewer— A bookstore is a backed-up sewer Clogged with the bilge the public guzzles: Health-food cookbooks,...

Natura Naturans “Off with their heads,” the Red Queen said. But she was mostly talk. A true decapitator is The little sharp-shin hawk. I saw one once, a blue-bolt shot, To seize a thrush in flight, Then with steel talons pluck the head And calmly take a bite.    ...

The Thoughts of a Dog What really does go on inside the mind Of the domestic dog? To simply say They think of very little else all day But eating what they’re given, what they find To feed on would be callous and unkind. Unique among all species is the...

These Twins These twins came forth in one amniotic sac. They sensed the danger they had come upon And both held hands to keep that danger back: It truly was the best they could have done. Their need for holding hands kept them in place Until the water broke at...

Winners of the contest can be found here. From the riddle posed by King Solomon to the Philistines to the philosophy of riddles put forth by Aristotle to the riddles posed by Gollum to Bilbo Baggins in the Hobbit, riddles have a long and rich history and have often been...

  I lift my eyes and pray to God above, deliver me, dear Lord, from Satan's Hell. I come to You with heart brimful of Love, content to drink life's water from Your well. And if, by chance, I do not measure up, perhaps a drop of mercy from Your...

  The sausage on my plate is rubbery and inoffensive A clever likeness made of turkey meat Not your tastiest breakfast fare yet not complete- Ly unsuitable for consumption by the hypertensive. My research on this topic hasn’t been extensive But age and blood pressure require a retreat From foods...

May Old Glory Always Wave by Roy E. Peterson May Old Glory always wave Above the tumult and the fray. Honor heroes who were brave Until the final Judgment Day. Drape the caskets of the dead, For fallen soldiers everywhere. Symbol of the prayers we said, And of the battles...

Judges: Michael Curtis, Amy Foreman, Reid McGrath, Adam Sedia A few words from Judge Michael Curtis: In apology: If you, fair writer, did not win, take heart, This juror read for craft more than for art, And we both know that art can be subjective, So, tend your craft, in...

  It comes as no surprise that “golf” When backward spelled is “flog.” For it’s a sport so hard to solve Leaves many in a fog. On surface it so simple seems – Just hit a little ball. Unhindered by opposing teams, It doesn’t move at all. But if when...

Doomsday… or Not? The Green New Deal is out there, and Bernie says it’s true— there’s only twelve more years left for the likes of me and you to curtail carbon footprints and cure the ailing earth by living lives of paucity, deficiency and dearth; shunning all air travel to...

  The human body is perpetually pregnant with Trillions of microorganisms that hath colonized Its intestinal lair, and like the gravid woman's pith Heart eats not only for herself, but for her fertilized Womb as well, each man must not only eateth for his health, But for the probiotics of...

Note: Formal Ballroom Dance competition involves five specific dance forms. This sonnet cycle attempts to introduce and describe them. I have also composed and attached audio recordings of a Waltz and Tango as accompaniment. Foxtrot The Foxtrot is an easy dance to learn. __Just hold your partner in a close...

The Limerick I’d Love to Write by Joe Tessitore There once was a President Trump And many thought he was a chump. ____But none was more shrewd ____Than this big-city dude, Now back over his wall they must jump! Joe Tessitore is a retired New York City resident and poet....

a satirical piece in Sapphic stanzas   Every day they come in a flood: unwanted Big manila envelopes stuffed with verses. Mostly garbage—that’s what we sift and filter Looking for talent. Like safari guides with their long machetes Hacking through deep tangles of vegetation, We confront a welter of mangled...

The clerihew is a kind of epigrammatic verse (normally) consisting of a pair of rhyming couplets. The first line will usually introduce the name of a famous person. The following three lines will describe some “fact” about that person which may contain a grain of truth or may simply be...

  A New Life an English ode With the blending of two souls, in a dance as old as time a spark ignites, and a cell divides; a baby—hers and mine. Conceived in a moment of utter joy, a new and shining life begins to make it's presence known deep...

A truncated quatrain is a form I have invented in an attempt to find some appropriate English form similar—for its brevity and single-mindedness in theme—to the Japanese haiku. They consist in four lines of iambic rhythm, following the scheme tetrameter, tetrameter, and pentameter. The last pentameter line is broken into...

Fifty years ago . . . (it seems Like only yesterday) . . . the dreams, The hopes, and the unspoken fear That marked and marred my Senior year . . . I faced a future plagued with doubt; A Cold War world turned inside out, By folks like Nixon,...

White Is A Color, Too It seems strange to have to say this After what that great man taught, Yet I have seen so much amiss That I fear we all forgot. I’m here to share an opinion, Which might be a shock to you: All human races count as...

by Lew Icarus Bede The way I dealt with T. S. Eliot's The Wasteland was to write a poem, equally desperate, in that same allusive style—with notes. That unpublished poem Cicadas' Voices, written in the mid-1970s, though unsuccessful on so many levels, remains the most Eliotic poem I have ever...

A Journey to the East by Evan Mantyk is a historical and poetical fairytale adventure styled after Journey to the West, by Ming Dynasty writer Wu Cheng’en. The first nine chapters of the former may be read here.   I. The Mighty Monkey King Confronts an Appointment Request Form Outside...