Humor

. Growing Up . Starving Children in China If you don’t eat the food that’s on your plate ....I will, in turn, assert That you will be excused—no need to wait— ....For you won’t get dessert. . Crime and Punishment Your sister says that you were rude. Until you change...

. The King of Ice Cream in reference to recent Biden comments here. The current White House resident Is more than just the President. He’s King! The King of Ice Cream! A freezer-full of ice cream! A tragic shooting in Tennessee? He’ll get those guns away, you’ll see. In the meantime,...

. Parque España, Mexico City I walked until I couldn't walk without at least alighting on a city bench, the first that had a shaded seat, about ten yards from workers digging out a trench to place a pipe to mend a water break. But this was causing traffic to...

. The Number 274: Timothy Pugh Now this is the story of Timothy Pugh Who woke up one morning in Regent's Park Zoo. He couldn’t recall what had happened before, Nor how he had boarded the 274. He couldn’t remember events on the bus, Nor whether his buggy had caused...

. The following is an excerpt of Don Quixote by Miguel Cervantes, encompassing most of Chapters 1 through 8, including Don Quixote getting his start, acquiring his squire Sancho Panza, and going on the infamous adventure against the windmills. It is based on the 1880 translation by John Ormsby, has been updated...

. The Tragedy of the p and the q . Lovers in eternity The p and q were two eternal lovers Who faced each other in the alphabet. To all else lost, oblivious of others, The ideal Romeo and Juliet. But though united in their gaze forever Yet in the...

. Avalon This little tale concerns a man, Who in an English village ran A thriving little corner shop, Supplying shakes and soda pop. This fellow did his best to try, His customers to satisfy, As in his shop, they waited while, He took their money with a smile. One...

. The Dandelion Suburbia frowns upon her sunlit face: “Out, out thou upstart weed!” Poor Dandelion —like sisters Cinderella, Queen Anne’s lace— a beauty cast aside; no bed to lie in. Medicinal, nutritious: a balm on scrapes and sores, on insect bites; the grape of dandy wines. Yet scorned, like...

. How to Write Contemporary Poetry a pantoum in free verse composition keep letters lower case. dump classical tradition then cite the marketplace. keep letters lower case make use of ampersands then cite the marketplace if no one understands. make use of ampersands so texts can look progressive. if no...

. Learnin’ Letters I wanna learn me letters Ma, I wanna learn ta read. If I can learn me letters Ma, We’ll ‘ave the things we need. An’ when I grows ta be a man, I’ll be a proper gent, Discussin’ trade ‘n’ politics… I’ll knows what all they meant....

. The Antiques Buyer Meets His Match "What's the best you'll do?" I asked; __“It's nice, but needs some work... and parts for these, as you may know, __are sometimes hard to find!” “If you don't like it—leave it, sir,” __the gray-haired lady quipped; “finding what it needs to function...

. The Leprechaun Come mid-March, the leprechaun Glides up and o’er the rainbow, Playful as a unicorn That’s prancing in a meadow. With greedy eyes glimmering, And shim’ry as a peacock, He slides to earth, shimmying, And lands among the shamrock. “Where, O where’s me pot-o-gold?” Those greedy eyes, now...

. The Scottish Gourmand A culture-rich country which lay to the east where we were invited to conference and feast from Cuba to China, and some of the rest they bade them here gather and money invest for though that land needed infusions of cash its laws were quite muddled...

. The Number 17: Ondine and Lucien’s Great Adventure;  Or, The Kind that Can Float from The Bus Poems: A Tale of the Devil, currently in preparation. Now this is a tale of two very good friends; They lived on a road made entirely of bends. And he was called...

. Homeric Hot or Not (Hotness Ratings Out of 10) . 10 By birth divine and radiantly tressed And beautiful and of a charm possessed That turns men into pigs if she’s inclined, A better girl than Circe none can find, 10 While of the boys, for clever, handsome, strong...

. Winter Hyphenation Knit cap above, two squinting eyes below Face frozen fresh-fall snowfall, white as snow. Constricted pupils dim the sight and fight Against the blinding sunrise-lumined light. An ice-chill world where exhaled, hot breath steams And wreathes a winter wonderland of dreams Where muffled footfalls squeaky-clean impress Compressive tracks...

. The Reagan with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe Once upon a long and weary voting day with chances dreary for a quaint and curious choice, a nominee we all adore; while I gauged the sense of voting, suddenly I heard some gloating as of someone sugarcoating memories of years...

. And Every Dog His Day There’s no such thing as dog-years.  You were fooled By sentimental nincompoops who don’t Know how to count correctly, twits unschooled In logic or in basic facts who won’t Admit that they are misinformed:  A year’s A year, no more, for any creature caught...

. So Much Depends upon a Dog So much depends upon a dog The earth revolves around the sun. Each day revolves around our jog— unclip your harness, watch you run, and sniff where other dogs have wet. So much depends upon a dog. Across the sky, the tempests jet...

. An Appeal I want to be a fiber on your loom, A constant fixture in your living room, A luscious morsel that you save for last. It's time for us to build a solid past, If only to secure a firm foundation Where we can play it loose and...

. The Ballad of Mrs. Pam Able Mrs. Pam Able was very unstable, And loved to be tied to her dining-room table. Her friends were appalled, many names she was called, For her fatal attraction for men who were bald. One day after yoga, still wearing her toga, She spotted...

. The Number 128: The Picnic “Let’s go on a picnic,” the older one said; “We’ll take tins of salmon and slices of bread.” “We’ll set up a table away from the trees” “And sit in the sunshine enjoying the breeze.” The younger disliked the idea and replied That beetles...

. The Villainy of Icicles That sword of Damocles! That glacial Iago! A prism forged of ice, sharp and aloof; An icicle out of Doctor Zhivago Malevolently hanging from our roof... It waited for the perfect moment when I stood beneath it as I shoveled snow. The wind picked up....

. Fear for the Future When I ponder the future I get so distraught For the Leftists control Most production of thought. . . To Better Protect Democracy The WAPO and the New York Times Should move all their reporters, Into the Democratic Party’s National headquarters. . . Loss of...

. The Poetaster’s Plight Some think the poet’s work is ease: "Sit back and write it’s such a breeze;" But those that know will surely say They labor hard from day to day. They wrestle with each turn of phrase, Constructing forms in different ways. A quote, a comma, where...

. The Stonechat Listens at the Asylum Window I fear I might mistranslate what you said And lose the very essence of your words. May I record you as I do the birds: The warbler, shrike and wren, red’s wild-combed head Who can’t fly straight because his wings are strained...

. Note: Burns Night is when Scotland’s most important bard, Robert Burns (1759-1796), is celebrated, usually with the recitation of Burns’ poems, the eating of haggis, and the drinking of whisky. It occurs on January 25, Burns’ birthday. . An English Sonnet for the Scottish Bard for Burns Night Tonight, I’m...

. . On Alma Tadema’s Coign of Vantage Flora peeks over the marble parapet, a dizzying perch above the azure Aegean. The Roman fleet is returning. 'Tis the season to flirt, to catch a lover in her net. Julia and Livia stand close, her bosom friends. Tomorrow they’ll break their...

. On a Terrible Orchestral-chorale Concert Trapped here with vain musicians---what a fate! An echo chamber that I can't escape. Conductors lead, nude but for bandanas. On their right side, Carmina Burana With German horns, tubas, and slide trombones Blasts louder than an ocean’s worst cyclones. Countless accordions from metal...

. A Note on Iambic Barktameter I have an Australian Shepard named Sunny who loves poetry. I didn’t believe it at first, but she proved it to me. She showed me her copy of Poetry magazine and said, “Look how dog-eared it is.” Then she told me that her favorite...

. Cookies I bought a bag of cookies for a snack, But they were way too sweet… I took them back. I tried each one to make sure this was true. I really didn’t know what else to do. The woman in the store was not too kind. She told...

. Bingo Ladies Gray-haired gals meet twice a week, Have their luncheon with the clique At the Wendy’s in Coppell. After they have talked a spell Off to northwest part of Dallas To the Giant Bingo Palace. First they greet the Palace guards Then select their lucky cards. Thirteen at...

. Putting Settings in Their Place For dilettantes the world’s bereft When table settings aren’t precise. For if the forks aren’t on the left They’ll give their host some stern advice: “The fork goes here, for love of life, “The salad fork goes right next to it. “And on the...

. Shams Shams-i Tabrizi was Rumi’s intimate friend and spiritual mentor. I stayed awake those short midsummer nights When naked druids danced beneath the moon’s Hypnotic glow performing pagan rites And marking stones and trees with sacred runes. Years later, in the vatic Persian sun, I delved into the bright...

. The Winter Cold I so despise the winter cold; I admit it makes me utter all kinds of truly nasty words, disposition in the gutter. The snow, the ice, this arctic clime do not set my heart aflutter, and skidding down those icy roads, that does sorely make me...

. Crimes Against My Sanity At any-given-time o’clock While tidying my house, I find--- Oh look---is that another sock? It really isn’t such a shock; My kids for chaos were designed At any-given-time o’clock. I can’t tell if they try to mock Me, or if they are truly blind (Oh...

. Wisdom When young I dreamed of someday being wise, And pictured brilliant input holding sway. But via jolts of life now realize, There’s wisdom also in what you don’t say. . . No One Fully Measures Up No one lives life precisely by my standards. No one does just...

. How Troubling to Know Mrs. Pain How troubling to know Mrs. Pain. She has written some ludicrous stuff. Some think that she hasn’t a brain, And some think she has just enough. She types her stuff on the computer, Sometimes late into the night. The hairstyle she has doesn’t...

.   Christmas Rules and Promises My first rule for this Christmas is__No carrot sticks for me.They might have been a snowman's nose,__So I will let them be. My second rule this Christmas is__Your gift I will remember;So if it turns out kind of cheesy,__I'll match it next December. My...

. Arrival of Spring Each wing delivers news of a young earth: The nightingale, the end of moonless woes, The dove, the peace of melting mountain snows, The hummingbird, a lightness dense with mirth. The goldfinch tells the sun what joy is worth, The starling stirs the nimbus clouds that...