Satire

. The “La Vache Qui Rit” Candidate Here she comes smiling a big toothy grin at us Laughing and cackling her candidate talk— Does she make sense? No, she isn’t quite good at that; All she can manage is chitchat and squawk. She’s the Vice President, smug and unflappable, Certain...

. Well-Armed Lamb “Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!” ---Benjamin Franklin Two wolves and one lone lamb sat down __to vote upon their lunch. That’s when the lamb began to frown __because he had...

. Brainwashed and Hopeless My old friend is a doctor---very bright, But he just said to me the GOP, Opposed equality and human rights, Here’s how such nonsense likely came to be. Conservatives must not be in his sphere, Or else it wasn’t politics they spoke. So everything he watches,...

. Fed Up It’s not just fogies and the aging nanniesThat look askance at all the mixed-up trannies.The everyday American has had itWith flagrant bald hypocrisy so bad itReminds them of the old Obama years,But nowadays there is no time for tears. . . Findings of the Proctors of Proctology...

.. 1. Generative artificial intelligence As for-profit tech makes some obverse sense: It markets to itself, its own monopoly Secured on genuine stupidity. . 2. The chattering class, of which society is knit: Such empty suits, chock-full of so much shit. . 3. Though I am all for proper dress,...

. On the Dine-and-Dash Phenomenon In restaurants, we dined but didn’t pay; we gourmandised, then upped and ran away. An appetiser, main course and dessert, we wolfed them down until our bellies hurt. The wife, the brats, yours truly, ate our fill and promptly legged it---no one paid the bill....

. Sidetracked Life’s troubles come in all varieties,From nagging aches that barely raise a frown,To fearsome packs of deep anxietiesThat, given half a chance, will drag us down. Much worse is when assaults get physical,Break bones, tear muscles, even puncture skin.Expressions on good days turn quizzical;On bad days our complaints...

. Mates of the Greats Gauguin the banker thought Painting while married was Quite a nice hobby And so did his wife. But then in Tahiti Paul met with a sweetie And lived on papaya The rest of his life. Pity poor Vincent, he Starved and he painted, and Cut...

. The Latest Gender Identity He’s fat, but he identifies as skinny, Insisting everybody call him “Mini.” He now, of course, considers “slim” his gender, And must henceforth be referenced as “trans-slender.” . . Responding to Texts My friend will often not respond to texts. He said to me that...

. . They Say Somebody Said This; It Must Be True! Some people love to share with you news they’ve been told, but may not know all juicy details. They’ll ask, “Do you know more stuff? What have you heard?” You’ll say, “Now don’t repeat a word. Here’s what I...

. A Formalist Walks into a Bar... “Dear barkeep, give me something most unsweet,I like my drinks with an astringent bite.And please forego the rocks and make it neat,My sorrows this nepenthe soundly smites.” This gentleman was followed by a Greek,Who really loved his rhyming and technique. “Nepenthe? That elixir...

. Upon Learning of Trump's Conviction _America is big;__Does things in style:Like setting up a President__And rigging his trial. _America is small;__Does things with guile:No charge against the President---_Hey, not fair: senile! . . James Sale has had over 50 books published, most recently, “Mapping Motivation for Top Performing Teams” (Routledge,...

. Go Woke, Go Broke Sports Illustrated’s prize was doing great. Big bucks each year from the swimsuit edition. But then it seemed keen to alienate Its loyal customers with a new mission--- Put old, or fat, or trans folks on the cover, With no idea that might be a...

. All Aboard!   a pantoum He’s pumped and ripe to ride the gravy train. He’s armed with cheese and charm to save the day. He’ll pulverize all poverty and pain. He’ll magic melancholia away. He’s armed with cheese and charm to save the day. From golden heights his Midas might...

. The Cartographer of Neverland inspired by a Qatar funded-map, in a Brooklyn public school, that erases Israel I’m late, so please forgive if I’m abrupt. I have to wrap this map up for Qatar. They’ve asked me to remake the world on paper And edit one small country into...

. Lyrics and vocals by Evan Mantyk / guitar by Jeff Eardley . The CCP Song (CCP: Chinese Communist Party) The world ain’t got the balls to take on China And all them greedy nations wanna sign a Free trade pact that isn’t free at all— They’ve shanghaied us to...

. On Noms de Plume Justin Von Depathos strode across the ballroom floorTo sit with Carlton Vishizwa and Charlotte Genevieve—While I, in silent fascination, watched them from the door—The “major players” waltzing ‘round the room that Friday eve. Thurston Beaumont Jr. brushed my arm as he walked by!His 12 best-selling...

. If Need Be If lawfare prosecutors aren’t proficient, And Biden family crimes can’t be denied, The ballots that they harvest aren’t sufficient, Their policies’ gross failures they can’t hide, If truth leaks from behind the censor’s curtain, Fake news is obvious despite the show, Don’t worry Democrats---and know for...

. Miss Pronoun-ciation She know how Grammar Nazis be all anal. Their like theyre fancy, boring words—so banal. When grading papers, allways giving discounts— All airy like some Eiffel-tootin viscounts. “Sowhatif words ain’t spaced write? For one hole Your making a big deal—its’ hyperbole.” (Don’t judge…she goes to public school....

. The Proud “You are proud because you live in those high, inaccessible cliffs. ‘Who can ever reach us way up here!’ you boast. Don’t fool yourselves! Though you soar as high as eagles, and build your nest among the stars, I will bring you plummeting down,” says the Lord....

. Counsel from a Self-Help Guru I haven’t come here purposed with defendingYour excesses or manifold omissions,Or promise all of you a happy ending:I’m here to explicate a few conditions That bear on how you’ll elevate your game.If you repeat your most egregious errors,The end-result will likely be the sameAnd...

. How to Build a Monster Don’t bother digging corpses up to suture body parts; Don’t seek out full-moon werewolves or unstake vampiric hearts--- For monsters can be crafted much more easily of late: First, take a child and train him to hate everyone you hate. Then sneer at common...

.\ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8of3uhG1tCI . Uncle Joe B inspired by “The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B,” sung by the Andrews Sisters, lyrics by Don Raye and Hughie Prince He was an up an’ comin’ kid from down New Castle way. The game of blowin’ hard he knew just how to...

. State of the Apple Pie I stepped into the finest restaurant, A destination nearly all would want, My expectations firmly in the sky, From its long famous, luscious apple pie. A pie I’d savored since I learned to crawl, Jam-packed with apples, three full inches tall. OK, the fat...

. The Mock Savior's Song also known as the Mobster Quadrille, after Lewis Carroll Saving critters from extinction (lonely lovelies, prone and rare) Is our calling. Gaia told us, “Save the toad with tufty hair!” Our imperiled fuzzy buddies are our busy destiny--- Help preserve these coiffured croakers---will you come...

. Hymn to Evolving Faith after C.S. Lewis Lead us, Liberalism, lead us Past hidebound inerrancy; Prick us with your needle, bleed us Of our elders’ certainty (Mired in knowing they keep sowing Biblical idolatry). Culture always is evolving; Paul is often obsolete. Who would look to him for solving...

. Victim Shaming Nancy Mace, a U.S. Congresswoman for South Carolina, was interviewed by George Stephanopoulos, former Communications Director for President Bill Clinton, on ABC News on March 10, 2024  Clinton often acted grossly long before we listened closely to each victim’s tale of terror, thinking they’d just made an...

. Good Intentions “One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision.” ---Bertrand Russell The highway to our current hell was paved by those who all meant well. They sit...

. Fani Fever Wide eyes are mesmerized by Fani Willis In pink as vivid as an amaryllis. The guy she gadded with—was he her beau? Did fraud and flesh collide? Did this pro know Her casual colleague in a carnal sense? Brains blaze at this piqued diva’s hot defense… Exotic...

. Credit Does it make any sense, For me to have pride, When I just dispense, What God put inside? And is it the same, If I’m disappointed, When public acclaim Is not what’s anointed? . . Repetition If someone frequently creates annoying situations, And you respond to them continuously...

. In Praise of Braising Aphids "New archaeological evidence shows that ancient humans ate each other surprisingly often---sometimes for compassionate reasons. The finds give us an opportunity to reassess our views on the practice." __---NewScientist Magazine, February 2024 When feasting on our kin is pushed this way Enveloped in a...

. Textual Harassment Now listen, Sunshine, I don’t mean to carp, But I’m the agent, pal. You’re just the writer. You’re smart, but “smart” means bupkis. Make a sharp Turn leftward, be a social justice fighter. Wise up! Start speaking woke or else don’t look At me to help you...

. Puddleplat Place The pill-popping people of Puddleplat Place, __Were a very unhealthy lot. You could tell by the pained look on everyone’s face __That ‘blooming with health’ they were not. For every discomfort and every complaint, __They crawled to their local GP, Who would give them prescriptions with little...

. Crosses and Losses I tried to write a poem to acclaim The passion flashing like a lightning strike Between a man and woman, though the same Return to normal from a single spike. It’s hard to say true love is like those hearts Of valentines and candies from the...

. Off Switch My brain hurt every time I thought, so then I thought “I’d rather not.” I found the off switch to my brain and thought, “Why turn it on again?” Without my brain, but with my heart, at long last, I felt really smart. Without the need to...

. . I See Dead People Don’t tell me that my mind’s no longer keen And that I should be in a nursing home. I’m still in charge, as sharp as a machine. For instance take that summit back in Rome: I chatted with my dead friend Mitterand And told...

. Proof of Climate Change The proof of existential crisis climate change is seen In too much snow, too little snow, and all that’s in between. When yearly total snowfall veers from norms more than a smidgeon, Such climate change disaster evidence is like religion. . . A Claudine Gay...

. A Pro Who Can Con “Truth” is whatever will further the movement. You’re “credible” if you are telling the “truth.” “School” is my method to inculcate values into the minds of our pliable youth. “Investment” means piling up debt on our children. My “right” to free stuff means that...

. Long List of Requirements The sweet and lovely woman sought __A man to call her own. She had lots of prerequisites __And kept them cast in stone. Some friends were worried such a list __Would court futility. But she felt it was needed for __Compatibility. All those with vast...

. Fallen Hummingbird A formal-verse remake of a free-verse poem of the same name written by my mother on October 16, 2000, in memory of my grandmother Your hands, dear mother, on my mind have been— Your calm and comfort-giving hands, so thin And bruised, impossible to recognize, From where...