Satire

. Xanadu Revisited after "Kubla Khan" by Samuel Coleridge __In Washington aristocrats __ordain corruption happily: __here the Potomac River flows __past million dollar homes in rows, ____no common man you’ll see. __Declared a district not a state __where crooks decide our nation's fate in fancy restaurants where they all dine...

. Half the Night a villanelle My stomach isn’t working right. Bubbles, gurgles, twinges and sighs Kept me up for half the night. I’ve got hives too, quite a sight— Neck, belly, all over my thighs. My skin just isn’t working right. Aching and stiffness are my plight; Take my...

. The Revised Guide to Selling Adult Beverages  Dismiss the woke approach to advertising--- It’s mad and bad and far from enterprising. Avoid loud, lipsticked lads in soapsud scenes In full and frothy flounce on TV screens. This rainbow-lemming, cliff-top leap to ruin Has bubbled up in Budweiser’s undoing. Ensure...

. The Number 165: Emily Hyatt A Cautionary Tale . Now this is a story that all those should heed Who think the sole gustatory pitfall is greed. For hear now what happened to Emily Hyatt Whose pleasure by contrast was only to diet. Miss Em of South Hornchurch was...

. Note to a Sloppy Homeowner in response to C.B. Anderson's “Know How to Mow” Increasing rates are musts for folks like you. “Annoyance tax.” I mowed your lawn last time. I chose the route and sent away the crew— (They’re Mexican). The scheme was by design. As we all...

. Target Gets Targeted A leftist agenda endorsed,Down customers’ throats it was forced.They now find their business is blighted,You could say that they’ve been “Bud Lighted.” . . Newspapers Newspaper costs had tripled.The boss said “read online.”To keep the peace I tried it.It didn't turn out fine. I like to check...

. Gaslighted Our friendship limped along for thirty years. I can’t say why. The scornful views you’d share Instilled resentment, anger, even tears. Your condescending words. Your cutting glare. “Why can’t conservatives just come to grips With facts? You stooges of the Right are cruel; Your policies will bring Apocalypse....

. Target If you’re too young to take a marriage vow, Stuck at an awkward age that won’t allow A dizzy dose of liquor-laden brew Or puffs of buzzy stuff… just one or two--- __Target beckons you---right now! If you’re too juvenile to drive a car, Too green to party at the bluest bar, Too innocent to fight a gory war, Too ignorant to know what’s...

. Some Satirical Epigrams in hendecasyllabics (essentially trochaic pentameter with a dactyl for the second foot) . Complaint to a Complainer You complain all the time; about the weather, Other peoples’ affairs, your job, your pillow; So much so that it seems you’re only happy When you’re whining about one...

. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILvvmtpOaOg

. Matters of Class . Saying hello The modest o’s the most polite of letters; But is he facing up today or down? Each day he questions those he calls his betters In order so he knows to smile or frown. A frown, you see, becomes a charming smile When seen...

. So Much for Legitimate Women's Sports Vladimir Gonzales, a young Italian athlete, With 28 inch biceps and a 68 inch chest, Entered competitions where he knew he wouldn't find Even a tiny---you-know-what---dangling from the rest! Afraid to state the obvious, the girls---who'd turn their eyes When Vladdy'd flaunt the...

. The Devil Comes to Buckingham from Legends of Liberty: Volume 2 One day as Britons cheered their sovereign’s sight, The devil crawled into his servant’s brain. He entered through the ear as a termite And caused poor George the Third to go insane. His Majesty’s gray matter had a...

. Why Can’t I Marry My Pit Bull? Why can’t I marry my pit bull? He’d make an incredible spouse, In spite of the dog hair and doo-doo, He’d always be king in my house. He’d listen whenever I talked to him, Of deceit I would find not a trace,...

. September 9th 1901… A September evening in old Paris town, The time when Parisians let their hair down. There’s laughing and dancing and folk getting drunk, And all of the ladies are looking like punks. It just needs an artist to capture the scene, But Toulouse-Lautrec is nowhere to...

. Poet, What Dreamer Thou Art  "I feel more and more every day, that as my imagination strengthens, that I do not live in this world alone, but in a thousand worlds." ---John Keats I’m busy doing nothing, can’t you see? I’m like a bee. I float from flower to...

. The Shortfalls of Empirical Knowledge Sorry, Iowa. Each night is different from all previous And therefore not the same as those to come. The ways of Nature can be devious: They test experience and leave us numb To expectations we would otherwise Have nurtured and applied to form our...

. A Right Royal Coronation Anon the pomp and pageantry will beam From London as King Charles III is crowned. The Abbey-bound procession’s set to stream On gleaming tides of splendour to the sound Of jaunty hooves and chatter from a sea Of gazers as his coach cleaves through the...

. The Number 151: Teatime in Cheam A Cautionary Tale . Now this is a story of two little girls; The older had pigtails, the younger one curls. They lived in the wonderful village of Cheam And both were addicted to chocolates and cream. And ever these sisters would rival...

. Books Some say that books are obsolete, __Preferring new devices. But reading books is still a treat, __No gadget quite suffices. . . Tipping Etiquette The credit card machine implied that __I should leave a tip, For someone who provided “service” __No more than a blip. The hope is...

. On Binge-Reading Sylvia Plath Verdammte mirror-bee-eyes stare at you As you describe in depth colossal pain. You say too much: your tormented achoo Your lack of faith, your overactive brain. I read your sadness---verses made of hurt And genius, from a coruscating pen Of acid-green, with not one word...

. The Sonogram Dodona housed the oracle of Zeus, And there the Greeks sought his prophetic aid (Whose force depended on how much they’d paid) In auguries divinely quite abstruse. Beneath his sacred oak they lay diffuse, His priests who’d listen to the serenade As wind among the leaves discreetly...

. The Window Seat “They don’t read poets till they’re dead.” That’s what my wise-guy father said. “They wait till they have gone away ‘fore caring what they had to say. Still if that’s what you really want, To drink from that life’s bitter font, Then who am I to...

. Sketches of Three Communistic Big Heads  . 1. Xi Jinping Who thinks this belly-flopping avarist is good except those marrying the flies that buzz and hiss while he rips up the world, gnashing it to cud until it udders out as worthless golden piss? They’re turd-land-dwellers sympathetic to the Devil,...

. Bardic Bots Will Shakespeare has been rendered obsolete. Bill’s quillings are a patriarchal scandal. His iambs lack that fresh, progressive beat. Barred from Avon is his current handle. As lost as Lear, as dead as Desdemona, His wonder will no longer soar on high. Now robots can compose, the Swan’s a goner. His dusty folios have bid goodbye. They’ve shuffled off like Hamlet and poor Yorick. Alas, the Big-Tech Bods now canonize...

. Green... Greener... Greenest...   a doomsday pantoum Zoom with raving saviors to Net Zero. Bewail our frail and ailing habitat. Become a carbon-taxing pseudo-hero. Trade trilling tones for shrillest super-brat. Bewail our frail and ailing habitat. Jet far and wide to spread the force-fed word. Trade trilling tones for shrillest super-brat. Glower like a sour and steaming turd. Jet far and wide to spread the force-fed word....

. Historical Negation A pen works wonders. Just ink in, scratch out. Rewrite what people learn about the past. Repeat false facts, promote a fabrication--- Voila! You’ve aced historical negation. You don’t need to be truthful if you shout; Plus changing history can be a blast. Just snap your fingers,...

. Senryu on Free Thought . I. As storied Kipling Is stricken from pupils’ tales I feel his burden . II. Arise Dame Roseanne From the inquisitor’s stake Comedy’s phoenix . III. Young Harry Potter Burnt by Mountain Dew addicts Still safe on my shelves . Editor's Note: See the difference between...

. Acceptance Relationships are courses in which You should not enroll, If changing other people is your Pre-existing goal. . . When One Overrides Twenty-Six It started in first grade as I recall. Our son told us strange tales about some kid, Who yelled and sang, and sometimes smacked a...

. Cryogenic Freezing from the conclusion of A Gallery of Ethopaths Let’s end on a deathly note To grab my readers by the throat. When ethopathic nonsense reigns It keeps a populace in chains, And though touched by death’s icy mitt, An ethopath’s a mindless twit. A lot of half-baked...

. Three Denarii OBO For Sale: One ten-foot wooden cross. Good cedar, cypress with some pine. The owner selling at a loss. Used once, by Rome, to assist dying. Some minor nail holes need repair, The crossbeam rope is slightly frayed, With a few bloodstains here and there. Will sell...

. The Faithful Who Have Chosen Not to Wait He rose and told us He would come again To supervise a world of righteous men And women who believed in what He’d said, That both the living and the wakened dead Should nevermore of chrism be bereft. But what of...

. A Screw ‘Em Sermon for Government-Anointed Experts “Political language... is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give solidarity to pure wind.” ---George Orwell Dish up linguistic picnics Just shy of one pork pie. Make fruitful news so nutty All rationale will fry In lands of clouds and cuckoos Where pigs...

. Reality Check __The bars we frequent have been raised too high, Not calibrated to the greatest common factor: __The will to let things slide.  Who can deny This, save for someone who is such a polished actor __That he or she can lie without a quiver Of lip or...

. How to Write Contemporary Poetry a pantoum in free verse composition keep letters lower case. dump classical tradition then cite the marketplace. keep letters lower case make use of ampersands then cite the marketplace if no one understands. make use of ampersands so texts can look progressive. if no...

. Ex-Freedom of Speech In fact, most liberals don't support free speech today, And often see a need for censorship instead. They claim “misinformation” causes broad decay, So free speech ends if they dislike what’s being said. . . Listeners Good listeners seem hard to find these days. More people,...

. Θαλῆς 2.0 In days of yore, Thales, the famous sage, Went out on a stargazing walk and fell Straight down an overlooked and vexing well. A passing woman mocked him: “At your age You ought to know your eyes belong down here!” The tale was once a lesson to...

. The Very Best Business by Giuseppe Gioachino Belli (1791-1863) translated from Romanesco by Joseph S. Salemi First I was a gardener (a disaster), Then a bookseller. I made even less. So did I change my business plan? Oh yes— I turned and became an upper-crust whoremaster. In this, I...

. Gossip “There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it hardly becomes any of us to talk about the rest of us.” ---Edward Wallis Hoch Its spice, its ire, its hot desire __Will lure the listeners in...

. Evolution I can’t run fast or jump high anymore. Mistakes I make I never made before. Some maladies and aches don’t have a cure, Alertness and reflexes are less sure. My memory is challenged on most days, It’s easier to get stuck in old ways. But some emotions long...