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Allgibberish (I Saw a Man Who Wasn’t There)
after “Antigonish” (“I Met a Man Who Wasn’t There”) by William Hughes Mearns
Yesterday in great despair,
I saw a man who wasn’t there.
He’s on the news again today,
oh how I wish he’d go away.
This afternoon at ten to three
his face was here on my TV.
He sat there in an office chair
mumbling with a vacant stare.
Go away, go away, your beliefs are not what I’m about.
Go away, go away, your minds confused; I want you out.
A living puppet used at length
To sap our constitution’s strength,
To turn our country upside down.
An addlepated rambling clown—
He’s here each day, I must beware,
the mixed up man who is not there.
I know, I know, that I must pray
that someday soon he’ll go away.
.
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How to Cook an Armadillo
I stopped a man to question him
on a street in Amarillo.
I said, “Sir, could you please tell me
how to cook an armadillo.”
“Aha,” said he, and looked at me,
“you must barbecue with willow.”
I asked a woman passing by
how she’d cook the armadillo.
“Age it for days,” was her reply,
“keep it underneath your pillow,
and for the ultimate repast,
it must be served with Grillo.”
Another man came up to me,
claimed it made good picadillo.
“Cook outside on an open fire,
let the brown and black smoke billow.”
I believe they were not honest,
just a little pecadillo.
.
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Phil S. Rogers is a sixth generation Vermonter, age 72, now retired, and living in Texas. He served in the United States Air Force and had a career in real estate and banking. He previously published Everlasting Glory, a historical work that tells the story of each of the men from Vermont that was awarded the Congressional Medal Of Honor during the Civil War.
Phil,
I really like these whimsical offerings. In some places, they remind me of the verse of John Updike.
Nice job!
I enjoyed both poems. Thank you!
It was a pleasure to read this clever humor this morning!
These are brilliant, and not a little bit happy!
So many rhymes with armadillo!
Nice stuff, Phil. I’m a bit tickled.
Thank you for a lovely laugh…great way to begin the day…Allegra
Great stuff Phil and very funny. I love the “Addlepated rambling clown” Now who could that refer to, I wonder? We rarely see Armadillos in England, but when we do, people often ask, “Why the long face?”
You have a great sense of humor! Thanks.
Gibberishness, indeedy.
Thanks for the reads – and the instructions on cooking an armadillo.