.
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An Iffy Christmas
with a nod and a wink to Rudyard Kipling
If you can’t rise above the treetop fairy
(That plastic risk to Rudolph’s rosy nose);
If you can’t marvel at the Virgin Mary
And Jesus in the face of weather woes;
If you can’t quit your kale and cricket diet
To share a merry feast of festive nibbles;
If you can’t favor quiet over riot
And quash your polar quips and solar quibbles:
If you can’t cease your beef about the reindeer
(Those methane-powered pullers of the sleigh);
If you can’t rein in tales that pain a saint’s ear
With gusty tushes blasting grace away;
If you can’t quell your hellish yells of Danger!
Our breathing kin now pose to Mother Earth;
If you can’t see beyond our Savior’s manger
(That slaughtered cedar slain before His birth):
If you can’t curb your rant on air pollution
Post zooming on a belcher of a jet;
If you can’t zip your Scrooge-meet-Grinch solution
To each recycled existential threat;
If you can’t see His wondrous gifts of glory
For carbon footprints sullying your path;
If you don’t know the words to His great story
Of life and death—the awesome aftermath:
If you can’t ditch the wretched whine and whimper
To hear the choirs of angels sing on high;
If you can’t stem your surging urge to simper—
To echo every wicked, earthly lie;
If you can’t see the Truth shine from the stable
(The Light that drew the Magi from afar)—
I’ll toss you from the Yuletide dinner table
And pray you’ll find the Way beneath a star.
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Susan Jarvis Bryant has poetry published on Lighten Up Online, Snakeskin, Light, Sparks of Calliope, and Expansive Poetry Online. She also has poetry published in TRINACRIA, Beth Houston’s Extreme Formal Poems anthology, and in Openings (anthologies of poems by Open University Poets in the UK). Susan is the winner of the 2020 International SCP Poetry Competition, and has been nominated for the 2022 Pushcart Prize.
Susan, this is a masterpiece of unexpectedly yoked themes and images — I would never have thought to pit loud environmental zealotry against the simple, spiritual peace of the true meaning of Christmas. This unexpected tension creates some incredible imagery as we are (mis)treated to a view of Christmas through that Thunbergian lens: those reindeer farts that are fueling global warming; complaints about the manger as being “slaughtered cedar.” My personal favorite line is one I will restate as a directive rather than an “if”: “Ditch the wretched whine and whimper/To hear the choirs of angels sing on high!” Because Christmas deserves better than what these wokesters who believe in nothing are willing to offer.
Your gift for unexpected juxtaposition coupled with your skillful use of poetic devices makes this an instant classic! Brava! And the merriest of Christmases to you and Mike!
Brian, you always get exactly where I’m coming from and explain my intent so very well! At Christmastime we should be looking heavenward… no politics at the dinner table, please. At my yuletide table, Jesus will win every time. I wanted to say just that with a smile and a wink, and I’m over the moon you appreciated my effort. There’s always a method to my poetic madness.
Susan, this one is wonderful… but I would expect nothing less! You’ve articulated modern culture’s mindset about Christmas so well. I think the real reason they hate Christmas is because they hate the One whose birth is being celebrated (I can’t even repeat some of the things I’ve heard them say). It is sad that our beloved traditions are being mercilessly slaughtered by the woke masses, and you’ve described it so well. The nod to Kipling’s “If” is genius. I can’t even pick a favorite line, they’re all great!
Joshua, thank you very much for your continued encouragement and for your appreciation of my poetry and my message. Today’s woke ideology only makes sense in the absence of God… I wanted to stress that point with a wink and a smile amid my serious message on this awesome day. I’m thrilled you’ve enjoyed it and wish you a very Merry Christmas!!
Just one more example of “practice making perfect”,
Susan. I envy your store of words and their art arrangement. You never disappoint. A blessed Christmas to you and Mike.
jd, thank you very much indeed. A blessed Christmas to you too and we wish you a beautiful, poetry-filled year ahead, from Susan & Mike.
An absolute delight, as always!
Rohini, thank you so much!
“Scrooge-meet-Grinch solution.” Incredible. As always!
I had a feeling you’d like that one, Russel. Thank you for all your kind words over the year… they mean a lot! Merry Christmas… keep those bite-sized pieces of poetic wisdom coming. I crave them!! 🙂
A “kale and cricket diet”, … YUK! Thank you Susan for this funny-yet-not, two-sided look at the current strangeness of our world. I wish you and Mike a most wonderful Christmas and New Year, minus “the wretched whining and whimpering”.
Norma, you will be pleased to hear there wasn’t a cricket or a piece of kale in sight at our dinner table. Thank you very much for your appreciation of my poetry – a very Merry Christmas to you! I look forward to reading more of your uplifting poetry in 2023… it’s essential to my health and wellbeing. 🙂
Gawd bless us, everyone!
Thanks for the read, Susan.
Bless your heart, Paul! You’re welcome.
I love the idea of tossing them from the yuletide table! Excellent rendition of the abysmal cultural trends that conveniently leave out the reason for the season.
Roy, thank you for your ‘reason for the season’ observation… I love it and thoroughly appreciate your encouragement and support. I hope you had a very Merry Christmas indeed!
Wow, Susan! You are permanently plugged into the Muses… did you crank out that wonderful Kiplingesque “If..” poem just now? You are truly energized!
A Merry Christmas to everyone!
Joe, you are right. I am permanently plugged into the Muses… although, I did write this a week or so ago. I gave myself far more time than usual as a Christmas treat to myself. A very Merry Christmas to you and thank you very much indeed for your constant inspiration!
While it’s a good poem, I find it more than a little ironic to read it on Christmas right after reading Trump’s yuletide Truth Social rant.
Carl, what on earth are you doing reading Trump’s yuletide Truth Social rant on Jesus’s birthday? You should have read my poem first… you may have looked heavenward instead and avoided such angst. Let’s hope it’s all beauty and celebrations for you from here on in… a very Merry Christmas to you!
No angst. I just tossed him from my yuletide table.
Jesus trumps Trump! I’m glad to hear it. Thank you for the Christmas smile. 🙂
Susan, Brian has said it all. This is so clever, but then again, we expect no less. Hope those gassy reindeer will be solar-powered by next year. Brilliant, as ever.
Jeff, I am laughing. Here’s to solar-powered reindeer next Christmas. I hope yours was a joyous one!
This is possibly the most unique Christmas poem I have ever read. I like it very much, especially the sound track, thank you!
Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas.
This is quite brilliant, Susan – razor-sharp and perfectly on target. I’m sure the anti-natalist environmentalists would view the Christ-child as just another carbon-spewing liability on the world. It’s funny how they often have a particular loathing of Christmas and try to pass off their own miserliness as concern about waste or a stance against “capitalism”, whatever that word means in their minds. It’s almost as if the compassion they like claim for themselves is just a fig-leaf for some sort of deep-seated misanthropy.
I hope you had a Merry Christmas and thank you for all the wonderful poems you’ve written this year – you’re an inspiration!
Susan, I always look forward to your unique point of view ! Jesus’ birthday deserves the best and yours is certainly that.
Hi Susan, just spotted this beauty. (= I just joined this week). What a wonderful roller-coaster. This piece will stand forever as one of my all time favorite masterpieces. From one dedicated rhymer to another, what a special talent you have. I’m a little short on time so I’ll be submitting what I feel are my better works to SCP. So much talent to discover and enjoy.